New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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