Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize