i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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