I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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