I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
