If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just puked most of my soul out..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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