she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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