It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
