I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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