He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
