Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
