you traded sex for a burrito?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
