They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
