I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Your cock deserves a montage
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize