P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm always down for nudity.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize