Porn is love you can see.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
