Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
