I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
