i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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