so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
