How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
