I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
