Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
