Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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