all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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