I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
