Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm jealous of your bromance
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
