Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
