Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize