The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
