this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize