my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
