So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is Oprah even human
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
