i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
