Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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