Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
