I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
