I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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