bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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