somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize