I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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