I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
