Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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