Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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