at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Who died my cat blue again?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
