I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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