sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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