Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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