she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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