So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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