YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
