were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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