i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
