Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
