somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
