I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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