Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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