well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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