I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
