I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
