If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize