when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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