just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
