This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
