When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
