Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
