i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
