the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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