I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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