Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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