Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
