I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
