i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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