this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
