He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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