If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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