It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
