that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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