We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
