you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
