I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize