TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
