Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize