I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
