thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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