I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
