"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
