My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
