he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
