Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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