where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
