I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize