ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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